the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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