I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
