What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
