my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
