just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize