I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
