no, he came in my armpit
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
