forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
