the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
