Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
