I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
