Cold hands, warm shart.
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I love you. Go after that dick
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
