from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
