Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
