As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
