I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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