If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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