So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
