this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
