I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
