I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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