Small penises have feelings too.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
