I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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