dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
