I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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