why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
