I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I think I just sharted jello shots
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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