Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
