we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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