He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
It was confusing and full of hummus
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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