Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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