hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
