someone threw a dead crab at me
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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