i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
