why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
