everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
