even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Do vagina's smell?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
