I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
