i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize