next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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