Joe is yelling at the trees again.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
