i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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