If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize