She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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