im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
