If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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