I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
