Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
