At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize