Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
