Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
