weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
