I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
