I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
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