if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize