well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
