i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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