everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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