ya dads aren't the best wingmen
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
