I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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