Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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