i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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