Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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