if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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