So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I woke up under a house in Key West
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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