why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
