He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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