I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
