I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
