Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
