Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We had to coat check the pizza.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
